What Are We Doing

There is a question that has been circling in my brain for quite awhile…other than a vaccine what are we going to do about the virus? We all know that vaccines do not have 100% efficacy. Just like antibiotics one will work wonderfully for one person and be woefully inadequate for another. We are rushing to a vaccine like it will be a panacea to all of our problems. Even the chicken pox vaccine took 25 years to develop. We are even arguing over treatment. Reputable doctors who have treated patients with hydroxychloroquine are being told that they don’t know what they are talking about because it is not effective past a certain point. Guess what neither are OTC cold medicines. So use HCQ when the infection is early onset and find something else for later on. THAT is what we should be doing, not this tit for tat that seems to be happening along with the constant flip flop by the “experts”.

We keep waiting on a vaccine instead of finding a way to effectively TREAT the virus. People get the flu shot and still manage to get the flu if it is a different strain so we have medicines that will help with symptoms or we monitor them if serious enough in a hospital setting.

We need to seriously look at what we are doing. We are creating agoraphobes out of our children. They only know to play in their own yards, they don’t know how to hug and be hugged anymore and have very limited interaction with each other. Yet we linger here waiting for the miracle vaccine.

We force people to wear masks that do little if anything, yet if we don’t like them or object we are called uncaring, Karen, selfish and a plethora of other names while virologists wear this to work.

What are we doing? Seriously what are we doing?

Any comments that are unkind in nature will be deleted. Your opinions matter, but your hatred does not.

Rumination

worried-girl-413690_1920I sit here and sometimes I can’t believe how bad things have gotten. I haven’t wanted to write because it seems if you share an opinion that does not follow lockstep with the loud verbose “I’m following the science and you are selfish” side you are berated sometimes to the point of not caring to talk to anyone.

It is heartbreaking how much more mean we have become since we put on masks. Oh things were bad before because of who is president, but the minute that we were forced to put on masks the more perfidious we have come to be.

Yes, I said forced to wear masks. We have been forced by science and a media that can’t seem to decide what is the best way to combat this virus, but would very much like us to stay in a fearful state and believe that they are the only ones that are going to save us. Ronald Reagan once said, “The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” He was right. People that I never thought would bow to tyranny are willing to put their convictions, morals and even spiritual beliefs on pause or suspend them all together and it scares me!

I have been called selfish, uncaring, small minded, vicious, told that if I had friends before this I shouldn’t after, told that I should not call myself a Christian, that I care for no one but myself and the list goes on. Some of those were from people I thought were friends. I have to be very careful who I talk to and what I say to them, not because I am telling secrets or that I am bad mouthing anyone….it’s because I have a differing opinion. It hurts my heart and drains my soul. I can’t disagree with anyone I know, because I get called those things or the relationship is damaged, so I become a keyboard warrior with people I don’t know and don’t have any relationship with and even then find myself just walking away because it’s too damaging.

I decided to come here and write out some of my thoughts and the heck with the consequences.

1). Why is it that if lockdowns were so successful that the curve did not flatten much faster? Even with partial compliance it should have effected the virus at a much faster rate than it did.

2.) If masks worked why has there been an uptick in cases? Even with 60% compliance that shouldn’t have happened, or at least to the degree that they would like us to believe that there were.

3). My time is determined here on earth. It is not going to change because a virus has decided to change the way we all live life.

4). We all have a 50/50% chance of getting it; either we will or we won’t.

5). We are teaching our children to be afraid of their own shadows, that fear fuels life.

6). We are teaching our children that being mean and calling each other names is the way to behave.

7). We are teaching our children that violent protests are good. That rioting is ok to get your point across.

8). We are teaching our children that the government should run our lives and that they aren’t there to govern, but to tell us what to do, when to do it and how to do it (wow that was so incredibly frightening to type).

9). I do care about you even if I don’t want to wear a mask. In fact I care more about you than you do about me. I don’t want to force my beliefs on you, but you sure want me to comply with yours. You are scared and I get that and I have no problem if you think the mask makes you safer, go right ahead and wear it. I promise not to sneeze, cough, or spit on you at all. But please be aware that I do pick up things in the store to look at them and I may not have hand sanitized while walking in.

10). I care that you do not want to go where people are, stay home that is the best place for you. There are thousands of podcasts, video teachings, live stream events if you wish to “go to church” or even concerts. I care so much that if I don’t go my mouth may once again run away with me and I will not be kind nor will I be nice next time you impugn my character.

11). Why are we so afraid to use medicines that have shown efficacy in doctor’s practices simply because the president said it worked. (please do not use the argument that it has side effects. So does Tylenol for goodness sakes)?

12) Why is it that my moral character is constantly called into question because I am not willing to put my reliance on people like Dr. Fauci who was found to not be wearing his mask, along with his wife who is a nurse and bioethicist who serves as the head of the Department of Bioethics at the National Institutes of Health Clinical Center, at a baseball game? Or when he told us masks don’t work, or that he has a stake in one of the pharmaceutical companies that makes a medicine that is far more expensive and may help.

There are so many more things I could ask or say, but they all circle back to the some of the others. I don’t go out much anymore because it’s not worth ridicule, viciousness, and fear surrounding me all the time.  I’m tired of trying to speak out, I am tired of trying to fight an uphill battle. However, one thing those that are perpetuating the kind of malevolent behavior or wallowing in fear need to be aware of…..I think there are many more of “me” than there are of “you” and I don’t think you are going to like the outcome come November or when God takes His people home .

 

(any nasty, rude or verbally abusive comments will be removed without warning)

Me and Quarantine

mask-4964590This has been hard. Harder than some other things I have faced. I have mentioned before I have bipolar II disorder. I have learned to live and control it without medications. It wasn’t because the medications were bad, they were just bad for me. I am by no means saying that this is the way to handle this mental disorder, I am just saying that it is the best way for me to handle it. Well until “lockdown” happened.

Normally it is just like a basic static noise in the background unless I am cycling hard. Then the volume gets turned up slightly. However, lately it has been so very loud in my head. I have heard myself snapping in anger, saying things that had virtually disappeared from my vocabulary and feeling trapped.

Things that I would do to combat the noise have been taken away. I cannot go visit my favorite public garden and just enjoy the flowers, I cannot just go window shopping, or go to national parks or just about anything. Yes, I agree, I could go for a walk, but for some reason I am also challenged right now with the inability to walk ( I have a genetic disorder in my spine that caused a fusion in 2013). My sciatic nerve has decided that it needs to be firing causing my right leg and back to hurt when I walk more than a very short distance.

What has really been difficult is social media. I guess I have been looking for that connection with people that don’t live in my house. I have found that I don’t like as many people as I thought I did. I have unfollowed a lot of people just so I don’t engage in yet another battle with people that I supposedly like. Then there have been the few, very few, that I have unfriended. On a normal day I don’t suffer fools gladly, but I find that I don’t want to even suffer then on a not so normal day.

Just recently a person that I am not overly fond of in real life got up on their hind legs and decided that, not for the first time, they were going to admonish me for my behavior on my own page. I’ll admit I will debate if I have taken a stand that I feel is right and just. But the one thing that no one can ever say about me is that I waffle and I don’t stand on my convictions. I will say that in this place in time it is not the time to challenge me because I will just make you go away (the unfollow button on Facebook is awesome). Tick me off enough and unfriend is in your immediate future. I don’t have to be your friend on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.

The static in my head does not allow for me to offer as much grace as I would normally.  Sometimes I know too much about you personally to want to deal with you on social media. Sometimes I don’t really like dealing with you in real life so right now I can’t deal with you in a forum where keyboard warriors (myself included) abound.

I hope that soon the powers that be will see that what we have been doing in this time is really not working like it should have. That they will release us from lockdown so that we can breath again, work again, and be free as we should be.

 

I Don’t Think I Can

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I sit here and I read everyone getting up on their hind legs and telling everyone else what they want them to do, they want them to stay home. They want to flatten the curve, that it isn’t that hard, that our grandparents had to go to war and we only have to “go to couch”…I am here to tell you it is that hard.

For most of my younger life I lived this life of quarantine. My mother had 4 heart attacks before I was 16 and she never drove. My father traveled for work and was not home much until after I started school, so I was home all the time with her. My mom tried really hard, but she was confined to a bed in the living room off and on as I grew up. She taught me how to make paper dolls and I learned really well how to play by myself. I had some good memories, but I think it is a big part of why I am an introvert. I escaped into books and tried to copy how crafty she was, but it was lonely.

I heard my parents argue and worry about how they were going to pay the bills because my mom was sick or something went wrong with the car and my dad was the only one working. I was young, but some things just imprint on you.

Granted there were times where I played with friends and we went places (but only when my dad was home). Yet my world was pretty small. So now here we are almost 40 years later and we are being forced to quarantine in our homes. We will eventually not be able to pay our bills, we will not have arrested the virus by these actions (strictly my opinion and you are welcome to disagree if you like, but do so politely.  I will delete nastiness.) and we haven’t gained anymore than we should have just being the people that Christ has called us to be.

I sit here and I guess I begin to revert to that little kid who sometimes felt trapped in her own home. I hear people who can work from home calling it not such a big deal (yeah you, the one telecommuting……you still get a paycheck) and I remember not being able to do things because we didn’t have enough money or I couldn’t go because my mom didn’t drive and my dad was away so someone had to be home with mom.

I think to some degree this is the worst I have handled anything. I don’t want to think about your feelings because I can’t get a handle on mine. I don’t want to hear one more time about social distancing or sheltering in place because that was my life for so long. I absolutely do not hate my mom for her illness, but I am really beginning to not like a lot of other people in the present.

I’ll be over here and it’s best to leave me alone because I don’t think I can……….

Serious Concern

desperate-2293377_1920So there is this virus and there is panic ensuing and people are buying up toilet paper like it will be their last roll before their socks are going to have to take a hit. Am I concerned? Yep, full blown concern here, but probably not for the reason that would lead me to hoard toilet paper.

My husband just started a new job. After several years of struggling with the powers that be at his other job this new place had things looking up. My husband works on commission at a car dealership. We have had to forgo health insurance because cobra was far too expensive for us to pay for 4 people. We thought that 90 days would go fast enough that we would be ok.

Enter Covid-19.

I am immunosuppressed so that is a concern. I have had pneumonia 3 times, bronchitis more times than I can count and I am diabetic. So contracting a virus that we know so little about and one that people are being so flippant about makes my heart beat a little faster. They are now closing unnecessary retail, and other businesses which means that no paycheck for us if his business closes. He can’t sell cars remotely, he can’t really work from home.

So don’t tell me to chill out. Don’t tell me that it’s no worse than the flu, don’t tell me that the only people that it’s deadly for are immunosuppressed and the elderly (my parents are in their 80’s and not healthy)…in fact kept double the social distance from me if you are going to say something like that because I might just reach out and……..

I am trying to hold on to the fact that God is sovereign over all. That we will all get through this. That, “6 And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. 7 For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of sorrows.” Matthew 24:6-8. I am trying to hold on, but I could use a little prayer boost if you think about it.