So Tired

woman-1006102_1920This post contains affiliate links

I don’t think I can adequately describe how tired I am. Yes, I do have some chronic illness in my life, but this tired is not the kind of exhaustion you feel while battling an illness, this is soul wrenching tired.

I am an only child, and no, I was not spoiled, let’s just get that out-of-the-way. If you met my parents you would know that was impossible. Did I get a little bit more if there was extra money? Yes, but that was only because there was just me. Being an only child was not for lack of trying on my parents part. I know they, most particular my mom, wanted more children, but it wasn’t to be. That lead to my parents being older when they had me. By today’s standards they were still young, but my parents are old souls and over 50 years ago 27 (mom) and 31 ( dad) was considered “very mature” for starting to have children. So with the scene set let me tell you why I am so tired.

My mom has dementia. It wasn’t a surprise, yet how can you ever be prepared to know that your mother is slowly losing her capability to reason. At 79 my mom cannot walk without assistance (power chair and walker), she is significantly stooped over, with a heart condition that began back in her youth, and now she sometimes does not comprehend what you said 2 minutes ago. I will admit that I am impatient on my best days, but this is really testing my mettle. Today, I think I hurt things more than I helped while we were discussing scheduled appointments.

My father, who at 82 and still works full-time as an aerospace engineer (I heard that gasp of surprise, yes full time at 82), I think, is in denial. I know he sees and hears what is happening, but to acknowledge it means that reality becomes not, IF, but WHEN. Part of the fear stems from both of them not knowing for sure that they are going to heaven. Before you ask or berate me, I have tried. I have spoken gently, directly, scripturally, and even to the point of being pushy, but my parents are tough nuts to crack (and I wonder why I become intractable at times). Dealing with my father is a whole different issue. It has been heard that while I am the executrix of my parents will,  they have left everything to my two grown sons. I don’t care about any money or things, but to be passed over in favor of my children proves a point that while I was growing up I never quite measured up. I’ve accepted that fact and I even understand a little where it comes from, but it doesn’t make the sting of that knowledge go away. My dad almost refuses to hear me when I ask them to gather their papers, and to file for power of attorney for medical and financial issues. I am not asking to be named as such, but it needs to be done so that the state does not step in when something happens. It’s been an ongoing battle for awhile now.

All of this to say that I am leaning on God and Proverbs 3:5-6,
“5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.”
Yet, this is HARD and it is wearing me out. Consequently I have been dealing with bouts of depression because no path seems straight. I know that God will work this out and in His perfect timing, but even with that knowledge I am exhausted in mind, body and soul.

I think I am also draining myself looking for ways to help alleviate the discouragement. I am a part of the Young Living family and have been trying to come up with combinations to diffuse or put on the back of my neck, but it’s hard to isolate one symptom to try and ease. I have been scouring The Word and most especially the Psalms to give me perspective. King David’s Psalms have been some comfort as his Psalms run the gamut of human emotions which has been my life lately. Each way helps, yet when I am not actively doing them the depression settles in and sometimes takes root for a whole day. Lately it has been coming in waves and since Thanksgiving has been almost crippling at times. I will get past this, but in God’s timing. I feel this is my season of refinement and I am bucking the system.

My husband has been a wonderful support, but I fear that I will wear him out too and that would not be fair. So for now I have to hold on to the scripture I mentioned before and, Deuteronomy 31:8, “The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” and Philippians 4:6-7, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” and most especially verse 8, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

2fearfullyandwonderfullyThis is not a story I tell often, the reason is that I get frowns and questions that I can’t exactly answer, so it’s easier to not tell it at all.

I have two grown sons, they are fraternal twins, but they were a work of God from the very beginning. Over 22 years ago I was not feeling well for several days, but we were supposed to travel to Oklahoma in October to help my sister-in-law move back here. We headed out, but food and I were not getting along. We reached our destination packed my SIL up and enjoyed a day or two of visiting. While we were there I got what I thought was my monthly cycle, but it was horrendous cramps and only lasted a day (no details it’s a bit gory) which was unusual for me. We returned home and life resumed its natural progression.

November came; I was fairly regular with my cycle so when it didn’t show up on or even close to my time I went to the drug store. Two EPTs later (I didn’t believe the first one) I realized I was pregnant. My husband and I had pretty much decided that children were not in our future. I was a cervical cancer survivor and wasn’t sure I could have children and we were content just to be us. That old adage, “Man plans, God laughs” most certainly applies to us. At my three-month checkup I said to my ob/gyn, “Are you sure there is only one baby in there because I am already in maternity clothes and I have almost popped?” The doctor assured me that because I did not have any of the markers for a multiple pregnancy that there had to be only one, “Besides we only hear one heartbeat, no matter where we place the Doppler.” Back then they didn’t do ultrasounds early on you waited until your 20th week.

Shortly before I was 20 weeks another doctor in the practice measured my fundus and with wide eyes told me that I was pretty big. She called and got me in with the ultrasound doctor that day. My husband is a former Army Ranger with the 101st Airborne, he was a big bad Army man and at that ultrasound I swore he was going to  pass out, because the untrasound doc decided to play a little joke on us (mostly my husband as I could see the screen better than he could). “Oh look there’s one head, there’s two, oh look, three, oh my maybe four!” My husband went pale white! When the doc saw this he yelled, “No no no there’s only two!” We were having twins! I wanted to punch the first doctor I the nose and say, “See I told you I was awfully big!”

I had a rough time carrying the boys and wound up on complete bedrest for the last 13 weeks of my pregnancy. But the part that we don’t discuss often is that at each ultrasound after 20 weeks the boys measured significantly different. Baby “B” was measuring 3 weeks older than Baby “A”. I delivered at what they assumed was 36 weeks, Baby “A” weighed in at 5lbs even and Baby “B” weighed a whopping 6lbs 14oz. Upon further scrutiny it was found that Baby “B” had been part of a set of twins for which I miscarried one and then became pregnant with Baby “A”.  This is not something that happens often in multiple pregnancies. I always was a bit of an overachiever. Baby “B” had to stay in the NICU for a week, but Baby “A” came home with me on the 4th of July. We had no idea what we were in store for, but He certainly did.

My boys birth story is only one example of God working in their lives. There is so much more to their story and maybe I will be able to tell it as I go.

Why Can’t I?

hands-699486_1920

Tonight I was thinking about why I can’t be a lot of things. For instance I am not naturally empathetic, nor am I one that doles out sympathy easily either. My upbringing did not include a lot of either of those emotive skills, so I have an extreme lack of them.

As I was growing up whenever I was sick I was taught to “suck it up buttercup”. I was never allowed to be ill for very long or languish in bed if I had a fever. Most of this behavior came from my mom. I am positive that she developed this inability to let others just be sick from her family not believing that she was very sick at the time that they were all doting on my aunt who had the same illness. Unfortunately that has manifested in me a surliness when others are ill or are worrying about being ill.

Firstly, worrying about having an illness is akin to telling God, “I can’t trust you.” At least to me it is. That is not to say that if you don’t feel well that you should not pursue with all diligence a diagnosis so that you can put a name to the cruddy way you feel, but to borrow trouble before all the tests are in, before treatment options are discussed, to compare yourself to someone else who had the same thing is, to me, telling God that He has no idea what He is doing and he is letting you suffer this malady for nothing.

Secondly (here is the critical spirit rearing it’s ugly head) there are some to me that like either being ill or having chaos in their lives. I am not saying that I don’t wallow a bit myself here and there. This move that we are making has given me more heartburn and stress than raising my children has in 22 years, and quite a bit of that is my not trusting that it will all work out. However, hanging on to things, wanting to be sick, or creating chaos in your life just makes me cringe and not want to be around you. I can’t be sympathetic, it just doesn’t appear to be in me.

I want to be empathetic, I want to feel their pain, but there are times that I just get angry and cynical because others have suffered, lived with or overcome the same things and yet that does not bring them comfort or assurance. I want to ask God to help me with these two things, but it’s a bit like patience, every time I ask for that, a trial seems to appear to teach me patience. I am a bit afraid of what will show up to teach me empathy and sympathy.

Count It All Joy?

girl-1149933_1920I lost my joy yesterday. There is just no other way to put it.  I think I can honestly say that I have been having a crisis of faith. I keep wondering where He is in all this.

In James 1:2-4 it says, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” Yeah, I am having a hard time counting it all joy. I know there are those who have suffered harder trials than I and I can honestly say I don’t know how they endure it, but welcome to my pity party for just a bit. 

When my husband and I got married just one month after, he was in a bad auto accident that left us without a car, and a no fault judgement, which meant we still had to pay for a car that did not exist. Five months later I lost my job and at that time I was making a bit more than my husband who was working two jobs. We had no other option, but to move in with my parents. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents dearly, but I was 26 newly married, living with my parents and again had a curfew. We managed to pay off most of our debt (even when my husband also lost his higher paying job) and moved into a lovely one bedroom apartment 7 months later after two career changes.

Normally in a marriage, the topic of children comes up. It did for us too, but in my youth I had been very ill and I wasn’t sure that I could have children nor would the illness come back preventing me from raising them, so we decided that children were not really in our future. Two months later I got pregnant with twins. Go ahead and giggle most people do at this point………..ok laughter time over because the last 13 weeks of my pregnancy I was put on bedrest, once again living with my parents because my husbands hours at his new job prevented him from taking care of me at any time.

My wonderfully made children were born at 36 weeks to the day, however they both have a form of autism, which had us deciding that I would stay home full time. My two boys are some of the most caring, loving, aggravating, frustrating, God loving men that I know.

We then got slammed with one of the worst trials we have faced, my husband became addicted to alcohol and then threw in some drugs for good measure. I won’t go into the gory details, but we separated, I filed for divorce (let’s just leave it at I had biblical grounds) and we were apart for a year. My husband got clean and sober and we did reunite, but then my health took a bad turn.

I was born with a spine disorder and unfortunately I had a very bad car accident that exacerbated it tremendously to the point that I needed surgery. I am now the proud owner of 4 screws, two rods and three cadaver discs. That made working outside of the house impossible for me at a time when my children were grown enough and I could have rejoined the working world to help with the household finances.

A few years later and I was diagnosed with diabetes. It didn’t stop there either, in the space of 4 months I had 3 surgeries; a DNC, my gallbladder and appendix removed and shoulder surgery.

It had seemed to us that maybe a change was needed again, so we thought that moving out of the house we have been in for 17 years would be a good way to get a fresh start. Purging all the old and simply cleaning things up might air out the crud that had us down. We prayed before each step, we tried to obey when doors seemed to close and things appeared to be moving along. Then we got steam rolled yesterday and we are lost. Details aren’t necessary, but things have gone wrong and we are not sure what will happen. We thought we were being obedient, we thought we were asking in faith without doubts (James 1:6), yet here we are.

I know trials are part of life and there are lessons to be learned. Faith is stretched and tried when the trials come, but mine seems to be flimsy at best now. I know in my head that when a door shuts He isn’t preventing us from good things and He may well have something so much better, but my heart can’t seem to get on board this time.

Has your heart ever forgotten to listen to your head? I thought I had concurred that particular affliction. I guess I need more work.

 

Less Than

person-2254439_1920ZOIKS! I know I know I have neglected this blog and I have felt quite guilty about it. Ok well maybe only a little guilty as this has been an extremely long week. Along with moving this is also the week of VBS at our church and I am involved in the drama that is used to point the kids towards Christ and help them receive the gospel message.

I have also been struggling this week with feeling “less than”.  Some of it is outside influenced and some of it is self induced. Growing up I was never wholly “good enough” Each endeavor could have been better. An “A” on a paper could have been an “A+”, a base hit in softball could have been a double and so on. It has made me extremely sensitive when it seems as if what I have accomplished is “less than”.

It’s hard to overcome feelings of being not good enough and even more so when others create an atmosphere that helps fuel that feeling. This week at VBS it becomes a stronger sensitivity for me and I have to be so vigilant to not fall into the trap that Satan has laid out for me.

In 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 it says, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” I have to hang my hat there so that I can face the feelings and try to overcome. Pray for me!

Yes Lord

Overwhelmed

11001826_10203464982367122_6936621571295453289_nGeeze Louise do I feel the weight of all that needs to be done pressing in on me today! It’s been a whirlwind since Memorial Day and it doesn’t appear it will stop any time soon. Part of it’s my own fault I kinda sorta started some of the swirling and I know I need to own that, but instead I want to be a four year old stomp my foot and say, “NO!”

Last year for our church’s VBS I helped with costumes (not much help as I can’t sew a stitch, but I am great at fetch and carry). They were short a person for a very small part, so I was voluntold (yes that is a word, ok my word, but a word none-the-less), hence my small partS (yes notice the large S I meant to do that) this year in addition to working on props. This normally wouldn’t have me in distress, but add the fact that I went casually looking for the possibility of a new home and now we are cleaning like fiends, about to put our house on the market and looking for a new home. Why didn’t someone stop me? I was hoping God would step in here and slam a door in our faces, but so far, nada! Even doors that seem to be closing, other ones are opening. GREAT (she says with extreme sarcasm in her voice)!

I have been trying to stay focused on the Word and reading scriptures to ease feeling so overwhelmed and I will be honest with you they aren’t helping much. I know it’s me. I will make a confession, one of my quiet times is when I am in the shower. I seem to be able to work things out in my mind and pray more fervently while in there. It could have something to do with the fact that it is the only place in a house full of men that I can find a bit of peace. When the boys were growing up they knew that I did not take long showers and whatever it was except for fire, flood or blood could wait till I was done. Lately though my shower prayers have been, “Oh Lord am I tired!” Nope, not much of  a prayer and more of a confirmation of being pooped.

I was looking all over for something to help with this feeling of stress and pressure, so I went to my go to place which is a website called Got Questions. Our pastor once recommended it when he did not have time enough to give us a full answer to what my husband and I thought was an easy question. It has helped me a lot even if at times I don’t exactly agree with everything. This time however, it didn’t have an answer for me that helped, except in one little sentence that brought up a portion of scripture, 1 Corinthians 14:33 (in part), “for God is not a God of confusion but of peace…” I think I forgot that somewhere along the way. Then it was a bit easier to remember Psalm 46:1-3, “God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah.”

I am not sure that the pressure and stress will vanish, nor the feelings of being overwhelmed, but I have to remember that He has got this and I just have to trust that. Pray for me.

Is It A Disease

AddictionI have shied away from this topic simply because it is very volatile, but lately it keeps coming up and I keep having to clarify my thinking to myself and others. If you are easily offended by straight talking and a firm opinion that is seated in the Word of God then this is probably not the post from me you want to read. Here we go.

Addiction-“the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.” Nowhere in that definition does it state that an addiction is a disease. I will capitulate that when someone is wrapped up in addiction there is a dis-ease in their very being, but there is no disease. Addiction is a choice each and every time a person ingests their drug of choice they have made a decision. 

For addiction to be a disease there would have to be several things that are true about it. First it would have to be involuntary or a result of a lifestyle habit. Secondly anyone could come down with the disease; two year olds would all of a sudden become alcoholics and 6 year olds would without warning be heroin addicts. Thirdly no matter how deeply buried it is there would be absolutely no ability within the person to change their circumstances by their actions. I know the argument can be made for things like an obese person can correct diabetes, high blood pressure or high cholesterol by losing weight, but it’s a correction not an eradication.

Trust me this declaration does not come easy. It’s only after years of watching a person that I love most in this world struggle to get themselves clean and sober, seeing it happen and many many discussions about it all along with agreement with this person that no matter how we try to pretty it up addiction is a choice.

The world has worked to cover up sin, make it pretty or acceptable and this area is one good example of that. Calling addiction disease is another excuse for the addict to continue in their behavior, and an easy out for the rest of the world to not address the elephant in the room.

We have been spinning our wheels for decades thinking that the processes we have in place are working to arrest the issue of addiction, but if that were true why is there a rise in heroin addiction and death? We as the families pay thousands of dollars for rehab as it stands right now, for which the recidivism rate is 60% and then are surprised that the addict goes back to their old ways. So we try rehab again and it is a repeat of before. Sometimes it works and the addict does stay clean and sober, but relying on sometimes is a dangerous game for us all.

Addicts are chasing the “feel good” because they don’t feel good. There is a hole so big inside them that filling it up becomes an absolute obsession. However, we don’t point them toward God, we point them toward rehab. We all know as believers (at lest I hope we do) that the Word of God never returns void, since that is true then it would make sense that it is the perfect thing along with the love of Jesus to fill up the void in a person’s heart.

In the book of Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” The addict needs to know that there is someone else that will carry the burden that they are trying to avoid.  They need to be taught as in the book of Ephesians 4:21-24, “if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, 22 that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, 23 and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.” And they need to be made aware from 1 Corinthians 10:13 that there is a way out, “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.”

None of this is a perfect solution because we live in meat suits and are tempted each day, but it is better than all the rest and it has a pretty impressive success rate. It’s worth a try.

Modesty

Friendship Together Bonding Unity Youth Culture ConceptLately there has been a lot written about modesty, especially in relation to Christians and about accountability and responsibility. I agree wholeheartedly that we need to be accountable for our own actions and thoughts. In fact personal responsibility is in short supply now a days. Having said that, I think that we take it a bit too far when it is said that it is not our (collectively) responsibility how others react to us if we dress in what we feel is comfortable for the season, most recently the onset of warmer weather.

The argument seems to be that most especially as women we are not responsible for a male’s reaction to our apparel. A man should be able to control himself and not be “turned on” by a woman dressed in what some might consider less than modest clothing. In essence that would be great all things being perfect including all of us, but that is not the case. Both women and men need to be aware of how they look and what they are showing off when considering what the outfit of the day is going to be.

Most assuredly we are to learn to control our thought life as well as our outward life and quite honestly married men should not be looking at other women to see how they are dressed or carry themselves (respectively to wives also). However, A) the whole world is not married and B) according to the book of Romans 14:13, “Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this—not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way.” Yes I know that in this particular section of Romans Paul is speaking of food and holding one day in higher esteem than others, however he is speaking about the issues that are arising in the church at that time. Well, guess what modesty is an issue in the church at this time.

I am sure that many fathers and even some mothers have said to their daughters who are wearing clothes that either come up to “here” or down to “there”, “You are not going out in that!” As a mother of two sons there have been times that I have said to my boys, “You are not wearing that!” (ok, well most of the time it’s because it didn’t match or it was dirty, but you get the picture). The point is why was it said? It was said because even in the world we know that we shouldn’t be stumbling blocks for our brothers and sisters. Yes, they need to take responsibility for their own actions and reactions, but we as their brothers and sisters in Christ, or the showing them the love of Christ to unbelievers, should not put temptation directly in front of them and dare them to not succumb.

It’s not exclusive to women or girls because their are some inappropriate outfits out there lately for men and boys. I also know that the weather can be excruciatingly hot at times. Trust me, I can sweat standing still sometimes and that’s in the winter cold. The whole point of modesty is to not show others what God intended for private moments in a marriage, and we are not to deliberately tempt one another. In the book of Matthew 18:5-7 it states, “ 5 And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; 6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.7 Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!” 

Ladies AND Gents, keep all the bits covered and modesty won’t have to be an issue in the church, and there shall be no woe to those from whom it comes.

Muddled Brain

We are in the process of cleaning the house up so that we can move. I can’t seem to get myself motivated to do anything else that is required of me including post here. My focus has narrowed to such a small area that my brain cannot engage in too many other activities. Therefore I ask your forbearance whilst I get my behind in gear and require more of my brain than menial tasks.

I hope this doesn’t take too long….I keep wanting to ask, “Are we there yet?”

Vacation Lessons

Hello world….ok well at least the few of you who do read the blog, yes I am back. My husband and I were on a short vacation and I felt that it was more important to focus on our time together, since this was the first real vacation we have had now that our children are grown, than on making sure I had a blog post ready to go. I have to say that we learned or were reminded of several lessons and of God’s greatness while on our vacation.

Our trip took us about 4 1/2 hours away from home so we drove to save money. We left late on Tuesday and stopped when we got tired. The first lesson I learned is that when I am tired I do not exactly exhibit the fruits of the spirit. I use a popular app to book our hotel rooms, so I was utilizing it after midnight to see where we could find a place to lay our heads and get the sleep our bodies were beginning to seriously crave. I booked the room, but was having a hard time because it would not allow me to book for the exact night since it was after midnight. Anyway, we get to the hotel and walk in. It had gotten a descent review from travelers, but it did not look or smell the cleanest. The gentleman at the desk was less than accommodating (did you see what I did there?) and indeed was rude and nasty. Instead of calmly explaining the workings of the app that I had used, having me cancel the present reservation and taking us as a walk in, he decided that it was his duty to tell me how ignorant and stupid I was for not understanding that the app had made the reservation for the following night. My husband and I decided that it was our time to leave. I was angry and had increasingly lost the ability to “love my neighbor as myself”. We traveled a little further down the road to the next city, found a hotel that was in the same chain and a nice older gentleman displayed, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control all while finding us a room. He helped me regain my ability to have patience when dealing with other humans.

We arrived at our destination on Wednesday, after a few stops along the way just because we could. We settled in to a very nice room that had a little kitchenette that aided in our ability to save more money by purchasing food at a local grocery store. We were then able to either return to the room for all our meals or pack a lunch and snack for our adventures further out. We had decided to visit West Virginia. We reside in Pennsylvania and I love to explore the United States rather than traveling abroad. I had been through West Virginia and stayed overnight, but never explored any part of it. We stayed in Morgantown which is the home of West Virginia University and some of the hilliest roads I have ever seen! Even the university is built around this hillock filled hamlet. The first two days we explored all around where we were staying. We fed giraffes at Hovatter’s Zoo, we saw glass that had been created and fired many years ago there and went to the West Virginia Botanic Garden where we walked around the reservoir and were warned about sightings of bears and then checked out some of the buildings of the university.

On the third day we drove to Seneca Rocks which left us in awe and wonder and pondering how anyone could deny the majesty of God when looking at this beauty as is stated in Psalm 65:6-8, “6 Who establishes the mountains by His strength, Being girded with might; 7 Who stills the roaring of the seas, The roaring of their waves, And the tumult of the peoples. 8 They who dwell in the ends of the earth stand in awe of Your signs; You make the dawn and the sunset shout for joy.” We also visited and toured a cavern in a resort called Smokehole which can be found in the depths of the mountains surrounding Seneca Rocks, and then to Blackwater Falls where we walked up and down over 400 stairs.

If you needed to disappear this would be the place to do it; no cell service, wide open spaces and a depressed economy, but beauty that takes your breath away. While the rock formations and the mountain air were wonderful and a complete demonstration of God’s ability to create something out of nothing the lesson that came on this day was while we were in the car, not admiring the grandeur. Traveling out to Pendleton County we found ourselves on windy mountain roads that had us hoping the brakes would not overheat or we would meet our demise rolling down the mountain. We also were amazed that there were no highways as we know them to be, and there are very few straight roads and if they are straight it’s only because they are going up or downhill. We stopped at a very nice park and had a lovely picnic lunch before coming upon Seneca Rocks, maybe that is why we hadn’t paid much attention to the time we spent traveling there. On the way home was another story; we were tired, and in need of rest, so we started back “home”. It felt like we had been traveling for days, the GPS never seemed to move and the roads all began to look the same. I looked down at my phone which we were using for directions and we had only 33 miles to go yet it was going to take us an hour to drive that distance; twice the time it would take us if we were at home!FullSizeRender

THAT is when I was stupefied by the thought that no matter how fast I would like the time to go to be able to get to the hotel, take a nice hot shower and rest while watching “Fixer Upper” we were not going to get there until we had completed the drive necessary in the place that we were. In other words; all in God’s timing.  I am not good at waiting for God’s timing to come about, but in the car 33 miles away from our destination and no faster way to get there I was forced to comply. It was quite eye opening to realize that if I could be patient enough (ok not really patient, but close) to not start crying over the distance and time required to meet our goal while trapped in a car, then I could do it when I was not at the mercy of West Virginia roads. Quite a revelation for me.

Who knew that God could teach even the simplest of lessons to understand, but hardest to comply to on a windy road in West Virginia, on vacation with the love of my life.