I am doing an inductive study for a few weeks before my regular class resumes in the fall and the lesson this week is about adequacy. I looked up what adequate meant and the first definition was this; as much or as good as necessary for some requirement or purpose; fully sufficient, suitable, or fit, but the one that struck me the most is; barely sufficient or suitable.
This past week or so two former classmates passed away and while I know one is now dancing on a sea of glass, the other make me pause and think, “was I adequate enough?” and the answer I give in my head is, “No.” Long ago this person started asking questions of me that I am not sure I was able to answer well enough. Some of it was because I was a new believer and while I was on fire for God I still believed that I could argue someone into the Kingdom and some was because I was not adequately prepared to guide someone through the necessary steps that would lead them to that kingdom. At least that is what now resonates in my mind. The thought that his decision might not have been the one that produced the outcome that we as believers should want for everyone, makes me want to sit down and weep.
My heart hurts to think of missed opportunities and my inadequacies as a believer to disciple as we are called, but this is where I have to rely on God because as it says in the book of Matthew 19 when the disciples ask who then can be saved Jesus replies to them, “25 When the disciples heard this, they were very astonished and said, Then who can be saved? 26 And looking at them Jesus said to them, with people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
So while my inadequacies are by and large out there for the world to see, but despite that failing character trait God can and will with the aid of the Holy Spirit help me plant the seeds that will add to His kingdom. Who knows maybe I will be surprised at who I meet one day in heaven.