In Psalm 119:50 it reads “This is my comfort in my affliction, that your word has revived me.” I haven’t been feeling too much comfort in my affliction these past few days. I have felt really awful. I have an infection and it is dragging me down and making me halt all I had been doing or was going to do. In fact I have been pretty ticked off at God since I have cried out to help me and yet still feel like the bottom of a shoe that has stepped in dog doo.
Then in Romans 5:3 we learn, “3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;” Other words for perseverance are tenacity, persistence, and pluck. I have no pluck left. Pluck went out the door when the cough started and a lung left my body (not really, but you get the picture).
The question here is, “Is it ok to be mad at God?” In our flesh when we get angry with God it’s more about doubting that He loves us, or cares that we feel cruddy or has left us to fend for ourselves. It’s not true and as believers we know this, but as humans sometimes it’s hard to hang on to that. The good thing is that God doesn’t leave us, He lets us go to figure it out so that we can have a deeper understanding and relationship with Him.
I am not going to lie to you, I am not liking this and I am not happy that even after seeing a doctor and trying some natural cures to feel better that I still feel like an 18 wheeler ran over me like a speed bump on the highway. I am not going to lie and say that if this “trial” is for someone else they better darn well learn the lesson quickly because I am quite anxious to be over this crud; and thoughts of retribution (if I can find who the lesson is for) have crossed my mind. However, I am sick and when we are sick the “woe is me!” monster appears and all we want is relief. I don’t want to learn a lesson, understand that I needed to slow down, someone else needed to know how to handle this, or whatever the case may be, but it’s necessary, because we live in a fallen world and someone decided they needed to share their germs with me.